Tragedy

The tragedy of life is not death but what has died within us as we have lived." I don't think I've ever really thought about my life in that way, but as I was attending a class on divorce and kids last nite, the instructor chose to end the class with that quote....and the words really hit home. She spoke of how we can't be what we need to be for others if we can't be what we need to be to take care of our inner child...the part of us that screams for attention but is too often ignored. She also said "No one is worth crying over and the one who is won't make you cry." As I sat there and thought back over my life, I could see how that was true as well. She said we all have holes in us and we seek people to fill those holes...but the problem is that we all have those holes in ourselves.....that no one can fix those for us...that until we fix them ourselves we will never find someone we can truely love for who they are....we will always be looking to them to fill our holes...and they just can't do it. I know that I have done this....I know that I have looked to someone else to fill in what's missing in my life.....it wasnt until I was finally able to love someone uncondtionally that I learned what it's like to put someone else's needs before my own and that by doing so, I have been able to fill so many of my own and become the person that special someone needs in their lives. I have a long ways to go....but I'm getting there....I'm working on healing that wounded child within my heart....I'm learning how to believe in myself and to let others help me. She spoke of how we get the most out of life when we give the most we can give...and that she lives in a high rent district...meaning she gives all that she can to whoever she can help...and that's why she's taught this class for 17 years...because she knows we are all their in pain, confusion, and lost....she taught me that I have to give that oxygen and blood to myself before I can be what I need to be for others....and when I left that classroom, I knew that finally after all these years of not knowing how to love, I was finally getting it right....I am finally able and wanting to be the best I can so I can be there for someone I love unconditonally....I don't look to them to fill my holes....I look to them to walk with me so we can help each other....I know my heart wants to bring back all those parts of me that I've let die over the years....and I finally know how to love....