Thts life

i feel let down. cheated. hurt. and confused.
i can't understand why. but i guess that's life...
(yea.. that's my consolation for everything that goes wrong... "THAT'S LIFE!")

that empty feeling when you're walking through the crowd with someone and suddenly you realise you're not talking to anyone really... or that the person you were walking with isn't even there by your side...

that hollow lump in your throat as you sit quietly and watch the people you care about walk out the door and leave you behind, cz they've found something or somebody cooler and more worth their attention... you're screaming, or u feel like neway... but the silence is deafening already...

you decide it's a phase. you ignore it happened at all. the wierd silences. the awkwardness. you ignore it all and pretend like nothing happened to change things. denial. (yea... tts me.) you wonder why? what you did... how does everyone you love and care about end up on the other side with you still hanging on for dear life, dazed and confused, trying to figure out what really happened and with noone to give you an answer?

i don't like being left behind. i sure as hell don't like feeling like a fool for trusting someone. i don't trust anyone as much as i used to anymore. I find myself bracing myself for the next blow and wondering who's the next one that walks out on me or give up on me next? (i know i shouldn't doubt, what if these people are really genuine? or wait, maybe short term connections are what makes the world go round and I haven't realised yet?
maybe I should be indifferent and selfish and make sure I've got my own back instead of worrying about everyone else... smart huh?... tell the rest of the world to "screw itself" and walk out on them? and not take a thing anyone says seriously... does that really make people happy?)
ironically, the hurt is big enough to make me want to never ever make some1 else feel this way. as much as i can help it. so far. :(

which brings me to the stage where I think... ok.. friends... it's about risks... what about family huh? obligations? favours? blood relations?? pretence??!! sometimes i'm left with nothing to say.